Patterson’s done.

Feel free to saturate the bluegrass with your tears, Cat fans.  Wait ’til next year.

 Remember all those times people said, ‘where would this team be without Patterson?’  Now, unfortunately, we’ll find out.

Dear Tennessee Volunteer fan,

Let’s have a little talk. You’re getting to the age where you think you know everything and you have a real problem listening to your superiors. I think if we just sit down and have a chat - and I promise I won’t yell - then we can make it through this weekend without you making yourself look stupid on a Kentucky message board or out in public. Let’s just establish a few things.

First of all, I understand how you kids get when you get ranked and have a little bit of success. I was a newbie to success once, even though it probably seems like a million years ago to you - I mean with all of the NCAA Championships, SEC Championships, All-Americans, etc. that I have. But, that’s not what matters right now. Just know that I understand that you are excited about your ranking. You should be. It probably won’t happen again for a really long time. You see, that’s what happens with gimmicks. Just ask UNLV or Michigan or Arkansas. Programs stick around and gimmicks eventually fade away.

Now, as far as this whole “rivalry” thing goes, don’t go making yourself look like an idiot by making it sound as if you are my equal. I have a major problem considering a program who has won less than 33% of its games against me a rival. It’s kind of like considering those ants in your back yard a worthy adversary - you know that once they get a little out of and control and overstep their boundary, you just go outside and take care of them. That’s kind of like how it is with you. I mean, think about it. You are enjoying the best success of your whole life and I’m going through a rough patch, but yet your superstar coach still has a losing record against me. That has to hurt, right?

And listen, let’s get serious about this whole Chris Lofton thing. I’m happy for the kid, I really am. But if you give me a chance to take Rajon Rondo over him again, then I’d do it 100 times out of 100. And if you still think you’re the smartest kid in the class for snatching up Mr. Lofton, then go ahead and celebrate. High fives all around. In fact, give me a fist pound because I don’t think I ever properly celebrated Tony Delk and Ron Mercer and their two titles they delivered to Lexington. C’mon man, blow me up. Seriously.

Look, it will be just fine this weekend if you learn to stay within your boundaries. All you have to do is just act like you’ve been there before and you won’t have to worry about anyone hitting below the belt and making fun of your court being named after a woman or your most famous alumni being a giant douche with a penchant for sexual harassment.

God bless and I’ll see you Sunday you rotten SOBs.

Sincerely,

The Kentucky Basketball Program

Single, overly fake-tanned, obnoxious 47 year-old man in Knoxville seeks young, juggy blonde at least half his age. Ideal mate will enjoy using mid-major, attention-grabbing tactics like orange sports coats and painted chests to cover up shortcomings and inadequacies of the Tennessee basketball program, and cannot be offended by the groping of sideline reporters on national television. Must also enjoy gimmicky offenses, failing in March and a losing record to Kentucky. If interested, contact HottBruceUT69@aol.com

You gon’ eat yo’ rebounds?

Again, I allowed the Wildcats to lull me into a false sense of security. 

They quickly sprint out to a 23 point lead, but, just as quickly, the lead evaporates and Ole Miss has a great look for the win.  Was anyone surprised? 

I admit, when we had the huge advantage I thought we would finally run away with a blowout win.  However, I was not at all shocked to see Ole Miss storm back behind the shooting of Chris Warren and the offensive rebounding of Dwayne Curtis.

Alas, another win.  Anytime the combination of a grainy Jefferson Pilot/Lincoln Financial/RAYCOM feed and the always dynamic Larry Conley and Tom Hammond results in a W, there’s no need to ask questions. 

In one of the smartest moves ever made by an NBA general manager, Jamaal Magloire was signed to a one-year contract today by the Dallas Mavericks. 

 Mavericks president of basketball operations Donnie Nelson said about the deal, “We’re very fortunate to be able to acquire Jamaal Magloire.  We were concerned about our backup center spot after the trade and this will provide us some much needed depth.”

And by backup, he meant go-to guy. 

I said it here Monday and I’ll say it again now.  Mavericks go 16-0 in the playoffs and Magloire wins MVP honors. 

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

As a Cincinnati reject, Andy Kennedy learned the importance of having a completely baffling team.  Undefeated in their non-conference games, Ole Miss is 4-8 in the SEC.  What does this say about the SEC?  Does it mean that the basketball conference mirrors the power of the football conference?  Is the Ole Miss record merely a reflection of a good team that is not ready for the rigors that this conference presents? 

No.  It means none of those things.  Basically, all it means is that Ole Miss is falling apart at the same time that they are playing SEC teams.

However, they are an odd team.  They lost at UT by two and beat Vandy.  They got bludgeoned last weekend by LSU.  They’ve lost to Auburn twice, yet beat Arkansas and Mississippi State.

I suppose the Kennedy approach, perfectly encapsulated by the photo above, can either drive his players to greatness or bury them in their insecurities.  In the event that his screams and painful expressions ignite his squad, UK will have to rely on Patterson to exploit the shorter, yet not smaller, Rebels down low.  So, if we could get a bunch of fouls on him, that would be great.

If you are able to watch this game during the commercials of Wife Swap, which is not nearly as cool as it sounds, you will likely see another close game that Kentucky must win (read: aneurysm). As I said yesterday, all Vandy’s win does is put pressure on us to keep from slipping up. A loss tonight would be devastating.

Let’s hope that the Ole Miss we see is the hapless bunch that was embarassed in Baton Rouge.  Otherwise, it will be a “resurgent” performance that Larry Conley will babble about at great length.  That won’t be good for anybody.

The Cats look to win their 18^th out of their last 19 home games against the SEC West when they take on the Ole Miss Rebels tonight at Rupp. Expect there to be more notes and links, which may or may not tell you how Brian Smith looks like Aladdin with Down Syndrome, throughout the day to help better prepare you for tonight’s game.

In the meantime, let’s just take a look at the numbers. A wise man once said that they don’t lie.

And if you are still having trouble working up a sports boner about tonight’s game, then take a trip down memory lane to a happier time.  A wonderfully, awesome time in 2006 when Preston LeMaster made it rain.