Thanks to ebonygentleman79 for the footage. If he feels the need to paste his name in the video, then I feel the need to acknowledge him.

The zoom close-up of a man crying is never flattering, but good lord Vitale, wear some make-up or something. He looks like a caricature of himself from an SNL skit, where they are trying to make him look horrible.

“Basketball doesn’t build character. It reveals it.”

I’m not sure who said this, but it’s been uttered by every basketball coach from the YMCA elementary leagues to the NBA. Perhaps never was there a more perfect example of this than last night when Memphis found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. After hiding their true colors for five games, the final moments of regulation and overtime revealed Memphis to be the immature, unintelligent Calipari team we come to expect every year.

It all started when Joey Dorsey fouled out. The 1st team All-Mental Midget collected 5 cheap fouls, with the last being the cheapest. Dorsey had a great tournament on the defensive end of the floor and controlled the glass for the Tigers in every game but, as even John Calipari was probably expecting, the dumb overcame him in the biggest game of the year. A guy who had developed into one of the best rebounders in college basketball, collected two. For the entire game. And after his dumb foul, it was if a revolving door opened up in the lane and Kansas got bucket after bucket.

Then, it was the free throws. All season long we were told that Memphis’ achilles heel was their inability to be consistent at the free throw line. But, again, for five games, this was hidden from the rest of college basketball. It looked as if Memphis had found their way at the stripe and rendered themselves unstoppable. Then, the pressure cranked up and they missed four in a row, allowing Kansas to not only push the game to overtime, but to snatch the momentum and the 2008 National Championship.

Then, it was the guy on the sideline, never a very good X’s and O’s guy, deciding not to foul at the end of regulation.  Instead, the Tigers allow Kansas to come down and nail the game-tying three.  A foul would have likely ended the Kansas run and brought the trophy to the Volunteer State.  But, instead, Mario Chalmers cemented himself into NCAA history with an off-balance, clutch three.  When the shot went through, the faces on the Memphis bench were not those of surprise, but rather looks of acceptance. They knew this was their fate. Everyone did.

This was Memphis, after all. It was the squad from the Island of Misfit Teams. The one that jersey pops, trash talks, fights with fans and, contrary to what Billy Packer kept telling you, is coached by a guy who was in his first Final Four. At least according to the record books, that is.

So, you might be heartbroken and surprised, Tiger fans. But the rest of us intelligent basketball fans expected it. We could see your true character all along.

That was unbelievable.

Sherron Collins needs to calm down. He makes hasty and horrible decisions with the ball.

Memphis needs to learn how to shoot free throws.

That is all.

If you’re a North Carolina fan, you have to be searching for answers today.  Your team had looked unstoppable heading into Saturday’s National Semifinal game against Kansas, but they got run out of the gym by the Jayhawks?  Sure, it might be a little more reasonable to say Kansas executed their game plan better and took care of the basketball, but that’s a cop-out to me.  I say blame it all on the the piece of silk Easter feces wrapped around Roy Williams’ neck. 

Listen, I’m no fashionista, but I know that under no circumstances can a man wearing something like that be expected to taken seriously - either by his team or his opponent.  And, his name is Roy.  Shouldn’t he be sporting a cowboy hat and boots?  Or maybe one of those little neck strings with the rattle snake buckle on it?  Now, that would be a bad-ass, Roy-like fashion statement.

Unfortunately, 850 The Buzz, a radio station in North Carolina saw the writing on the wall.  They posted this video, which even appears to include the tie in question, on Friday.

Ohhh!!!  Sasha Kaun sucks!
I guess Beisner’s weekend started early, leaving the previewing duties to yours truly.  In fact, I haven’t communicated with him at all, so he may be doing a preview of tonight’s second game as we speak.  Which would be a bonus for you, the reader, but would mean that I just wasted 8-12 minutes of my valuable time.

Anyway, I’ve decided to use a wordy and confusing title to catch your attention, so allow me to explain.  A few years ago, after the UNC job came open, Roy Williams’ Kansas team lost in the Final Four.  During an interview, Williams launched into a profanity-laden diatribe concerning his love for his Jayhawk players.  Days later, he accepted the job at his alma mater.  Consequently, Bill Self was hired to take over in Lawrence, thus becoming the “old” Roy Williams.

Presently, there is a job opening at Self’s alma mater, Oklahoma State.  As we know, the Cowboys suck at basketball.  However, they possess a creepy old man with misplaced priorities poised to pay Self (or anyone, really) trillions of dollars to live in Stillwater.  Thus begging the question, will Bill Self follow in the footsteps of his predecessor and lose in the Final Four, cuss at a reporter, and leave for his alma mater?  If he does, he will be the new Roy Williams!

If you believe internet message boards, than this deal is already done.  However, OSU has also agreed to this same deal with Gillispie.  Don’t believe internet message boards.

As for the actual game, since I can’t draw comparisons to sketchy bar encounters, I really have no way of figuring out what will happen tonight.  These teams are evenly matched, yet Kansas lost a reserve guard to a broken knee cap.  That, combined with the Self rumors, will not distract Kansas at all, yet they will be described as a team that has to “deal with a lot of distractions.”

In the end, Hansbrough will make his way to the line 15 times, and UNC will pull away for an 8 point win.

Earl Clark to the league…or, somewhere other than America that pays people to play.

I kid, he’ll get drafted.  He’s got the potential.

In honor of Earl going pro, the Dixie Chicks performed this song for him. And, yes, I am currently burning my bra.