Tell me Andre Allen (15) doesn’t look blunted in that picture 

I had forgotten about basketball all together this week, but we’d be the lamest blog ever if we didn’t have some sort of Final 4 preview.  I’m only going to do the Memphis v. UCLA game for now, and if Beisner (*hint) wants to do something on the UNC v. Kansas game, he can.

First of all, losing Andre Allen does not automatically sink Memphis.  In fact, I think he’s more of a detriment to their team than anything else.  Granted, I’ve seen them play exactly two times, but that bowling ball is a technical waiting to happen.  Memphis doesn’t really need much help in the backcourt, so his absence will go unnoticed.  However, win or lose, the press will play up his suspension. 

As for the actual pace and score of the game, it’s anyone’s guess.  It’s going to be a battle of wills, with one team forcing one style of play over the other. 

Here’s a visual:

Remember the dude that always got laid in your high school class, no matter how much of a jackass he was?  For some reason, chicks dug him, even though he acted like a moron.  That’s Memphis. 

Now, think of the chick that was a nerd in high school, but came into her own in college, lost the braces, headgear, and glasses, and actually filled-out nicely.  She still has some nerd in her, but she joined a sorority and has a wealth of new-found confidence.  That’s UCLA.

Imagine Memphis sees UCLA at a bar, and realizes exactly who she is.  Memphis remembers UCLA, but only because his buddy convinced her to join the PEN 15 Club.  So, Memphis turns on his charm, drops some lame line, and UCLA is flattered.  However, she and Memphis don’t really have that much in common.  She knows that she likes him and he’s fun, but she would really rather slow things down and be careful.  In the end, though, she just gets so swept up by the attention she’s given in the fast-paced world that Memphis loves, and lets herself go. 

Though it was fun while it lasted, UCLA will regret it in the morning, with a devestating feeling of regret.  Both UCLA’s will endure a “walk of shame” down the late night streets of San Antonio, as Memphis triumphantly lay in wait for their next victim.

 Memphis by 6.

Crean, deftly stealing the nets from Marquette’s practice facility.  I mean, he paid for them. 

First of all, and this is completely unrelated to the basketball move by IU, but the substitution of “Crean” for “clean” is a bit awkward.  See, a stereotype exists that accuses those of Asian descent of pronouncing their “L’s” as “R’s.”  And, if you’ve ever stepped foot on IU’s campus, you would see that the place is teeming with Asian exchange students. The student newspaper even did this.  Seriously, I can’t be the only person who saw this.

Blatant racism aside, IU has made a phenomenal move.  People are attempting to downplay it, saying Crean has done little without the help of Dwyane Wade.  That’s true, but look at the alternatives. 

Tony Bennett was not a great option.  He’s experienced success out west, but he’s done nothing in regards to postseason success.  Plus, his style of play is obnoxiously boring.  After Bennett turned the job down, all I could think was, ‘man, these sanctions must be BAD.  Who are they going to get if this chucker won’t come?’

I think everyone knows my feelings on Bruce Pearl–and IU wanted him bad.  Reportedly, they want after him a few times.  Pearl turned it down, saying that he didn’t want to leave what he has built at UT.  Apparently, building a grossly overrated team that gets destroyed in the Sweet 16 is Pearl’s apex.

As for Pitino, let’s be honest.  There was never any interest from Louisville’s coach.  Same goes for Knight.  Isaiah Thomas would have been laughable, and Sean Miller didn’t want it.  When the dominoes started falling, I thought IU might end up with an up and coming coach, ala Darrin Horn.

I must admit, seeing Crean’s name was shocking.  Plus, since it happened out of nowhere on the stupidest day of the year, it was pretty unbelievable.  I had even spoken with a guy from the student newspaper, who usually has good information, and he knew nothing Monday night.  To pull a guy like Crean that quickly is impressive, and it probably indicates the sanctions will not be extremely harsh–or so the university expects.

Contrary to what some believe, though, the IU job is very good.  Assuming there are no major defections, the Hoosiers have a solid nucleus returning.  Further, if he can somehow confuse Eric Gordon into thinking he’s not ready for the league, Crean will have his team top 20 in the nation preseason.  Plus, given Crean’s ability to recruit the Midwest, I wouldn’t be surprised if IU added a few studs to the roster.  He’ll be successful in the Big 10, moreso than he could ever achieve at Marquette in the over-loaded Big East.

I was really looking forward to seeing IU’s program completely fall apart.  I don’t see that happening anymore.  In short, I don’t feel good about the Jordan Crawford rumors anymore…

Look at me!  I’m making a mistake! 

Look, I could be the biggest sucker ever.  But does ESPN.com make stuff up?

It’s also on ESPNnews.  Too much is happening at once.  Does anyone else feel like they’re in a bizarro world?

I hate April Fool’s Day.

Midstate?  Did he play in a comic strip?

This appears reputable.

 April Fool’s Day sucks.  This may not be true, but who the hell knows.

Hey America, remember Indiana basketball?  It used to be one of the premier programs in the country.  The General owned the sideline and you knew you were going to be in for a battle defending their motion and scoring on their tough man-to-man defense everytime you took the floor against them.  Then, the old man went nuts and got fired and the Hoosiers decided to make two of the most questionable hires in recent memory.

So, here we are again, folks.  The Hoosiers are looking to make a move yet again to fill their head coaching job and, for their sake, need to make a move that will either put them back on the map, or at least put them on the right track to the elite status that they once had.  And since Gene Hackman is apparently out of the question and Dennis Hopper is probably still hitting the bottle, here are the guys who I think will be major players leading up to their self-imposed Final Four deadline.

Bruce Pearl - If I’m Greenspan, this is my first choice.  I’m not going to back off my statements that Pearl is a gimmick coach and will never win anything meaningful with the offense that he employs, but there is no denying that he brings excitement and energy to a program and that is exactly what Indiana needs right now.  You don’t necessarily need tons of talent to succeed in his system, but Indiana has the parts to make it successful.  However, I doubt this happens due to Pearl’s past transgressions as an assistant at Iowa.

Sean Miller - Miller took over the Xavier program for mentor Thad Matta and kept the program running.  Now after three years at the helm of the Musketeers, Miller is ready for the primetime.  It’s hard to imagine Xavier getting much better than their Elite Eight team this season and it seems like the perfect time for Miller to step up to a bigger stage and battle Matta for Big 10 supremacy.

Scott Drew - Perhaps no coach walked into a more devastating situation than Drew after the Brian Dennehy/Dave Bliss fiasco a few years ago.  Now, after slowly rebuilding Baylor from the lowest of lows, and turning them into an NCAA tournament team.  Drew is one of the best recruiters in the nation and the thought of what he could do with Indiana and their resources should strike fear into any coach.  Plus, he’s royalty in the state after his father’s long tenure at Valparaiso and his brother’s famous tournament buzzer-beater.  This is the guy I would hire.

Travis Ford - Ford is the up-and-coming coach that seems to get mentioned every time a major job opens.  At this point, he is probably still a little on the inexperienced side, so I doubt the Hoosiers come calling.  And even if they did, I’m not sure this former Wildcat would be able to hold his head high while leading a team clad in candy-striped pants onto the floor.

Kevin Stallings - Stallings, like Pearl, brings an exciting brand of basketball to the table and has to be admired for what he has done with Vanderbilt’s program.  The problem is, the Commodores had one of their best teams ever this year and they looked pretty weak away from their home gym.  Stallings doesn’t quite have the resume to land this job, but if the guys ahead of him get weeded out, he might draw some consideration.

Jeff Capel - Capel was the hot coach last year when Oklahoma scooped him up.  Then he turned Blake Griffin and a collection of hot dookie into a 6 seed in the tournament before getting bounced by Louisville.  I don’t think he will draw any real consideration, but I’d like to see them snatch him away from the Sooners purely for comedy purposes.  Kind of like Michigan and West Virginia.

Dan Dakich - Ummm…no.  Sampson, no John Wooden, leads the Hoosiers to a 22-4 record.  Dakich takes them to a 3-4 record.  Pack your bags, Dan. 

Mike Davis - Wouldn’t this be great?  Davis didn’t really do anything fantastic at UAB this year, but it would be fantastic if the Hoosiers admitted that they missed him and his under-achieving and great recruiting and signed him up for another gig.  If only for the possibility of another tirade against the Cats, I’ll be rooting for this one.  Extra points for Robert Vaden following him back to IU.

Isiah Thomas - I started this out purely as a joke.  And then it got reported that he might actually be a candidate.  Really?  The guy did nothing with the Raptors.  He ran the Pacers into the ground when they were a title contender.  He bankrupted the CBA.  Now, he’s destroyed the Knicks and left them in more of a mess than they were in when he got there.  The only thing he hasn’t done is destroy his alma mater or claim responsibility for the war in the Middle East.  This…would…be…awesome!